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Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy, you hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage, not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public, you'd be locked up in jail for a while!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived and a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash...
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

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The Scientist and the Frog

There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.

So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "frog with four feet, jumps four feet."

So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "frog with three feet, jumps three feet."

So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "frog with two feet, jumps two feet."

The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "frog with one foot, jumps one foot."

So the scientist cut off his last leg.

"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. Nothing happens. So finally he shouts... FROG JUMP!"

Still no sign of movement.

So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."

___________________________________________________________________________________________

The Ultimate Computer            

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

"This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

At which point a Clever Dick stepped forward ( there is one in every crowd ) and spoke into the Ultimate Computer's microphone. "Where is my father"? he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

On it were printed the words "Fishing off Florida".

Clever Dick laughed. "Actually", he said, "my father is dead!" It had been a trick question!!

The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Clever Dick thought, went to the Ultimate Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"

Once again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights.

Again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words: "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida”